Joke Skill Thread!

[Hawkeye]

This thread is obviously inspired by the "This! Is! Kryta!" warrior shout skill (that I won't go into too much detail for the agonizing pain it brings all those who are tired of the reference).

Here, post your funny/wacky jokes for a laugh. It's not supposed to be realistic or even possible. Just funny.

Reality (10 energy) - Hex. Target foe gains thick glasses and gains "Nerd" condition. If target foe is chasing a female player, that player is knocked down every 3 seconds, and if player is interrupted while casting a spell, all other players laugh at him for 8 seconds.

Chuck Norris (30 energy) - Stance. You win, unless Chuck Norris is playing, in which case you will be roundhouse kicked in the face and your account will be closed permanently.

Britney Spears (10 energy) - If you are male, you instantly get hitched and become the rave of all your friends. If you are female, you lose your virginity... again.

[copper-elf]

I lol'd so hard first time I saw this: Best Shout Ever!

[Thomas.knbk]

Originally Posted by copper-elf

I lol'd so hard first time I saw this: Best Shout Ever!

Use on W/Mo or A/W to avoid the drawback!

But, isn't forest actually forrest? like with double r?

[Government Flu]

Well, I personally think that SHAMELESS PLUG! Whoa, what was that?!

Excerpt from Guild Wars Flameseeker Parodies, Chapter 3:

King Adelbern’s Amazing Awesome Build:

Strength: 0
Tactics: 0
Swordsmanship: 0
Axe Mastery: 0
Hammer Mastery: 0
Regency: 1,000,000,000 (+1 + 3)

Glutton’s Defense (Elite)
Taste of Cake
Summon Squire
Block Artery
Lackluster Attack
Healing Sores
Fracture Hip
Enraging Nap

Use Glutton’s Defense at the start of the battle to gain +24 armor while wielding a giant ham. If you take too much spike damage quickly cast Taste of Cake for a quick health boon. When you gain enough sweat, use Block Artery on the enemy. Equipping a hamburger will yield optimal results on the enemy, followed with Lackluster Attack. You should cast Healing Sores for additional health mid battle since Taste of Cake has a long recharge time. If you suffer from a hex, use Fracture Hip to negate it. (Note you will be crippled and have deep wound, so only use this if you have a degeneration hex on you.) Finally, cast Summon Squire to have him do all the work for you and then use Enraging Nap to gain +100 armor and +10 regeneration.

[-Deviance-]

"Gank" - Shout - 4adren: While attacking a monk foe that is standing still and not trying to kite, you attack 33% faster and deal +12...50 damage. As well as knocking the foe down every 3 seconds.

"Butt Buddies" - Shout - 4 adren (stacking): For each ally adjacent to you, you gain +24 armor and +3 health regeneration for 2...10 seconds, but all area-of-effect spells deal 33% more damage. Each player that uses this skill stacks on all adjacent allies.

Auto Infuse - Spell - 10nrg: Lose half of your health. When activated the lowest percentage health player will be infused for 100...138% of your health loss.

Listen Harder - Signet: For the remainder of the match whenever someone is yelling at you through a team communication application, you gain +200 armor, +9 health and energy regeneration, and automatically rank spike a pheonix at them. Your character also automatically does every command they yell at you with precise timing and without any energy or health loss to you. Once you finally somehow lose the team play, your communication application sends automated laughs and bickering through their ears for the remainder of the day.

[Series]

"I Am Iron Man!" Elite Shout. You are blinded for (10... 2) seconds. For (5...20) seconds, you gain +50 armor. You are knocked down whenever a speed boost is applied to you. (ATT: Strength)

Master of Puppets. Elite Skill. Your minions begin burning for (5... 40) seconds. Whenever you take damage, all of that damage is applied to your nearest burning minion. Every minion under your control who is under the effects of burning deals +20 damage. (ATT: Death Magic)

"Respect my Authority!" Elite Shout. Target foe is knocked down and takes (1... 12) damage for each ally you have in earshot. (ATT: Leadership)

"Wryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Elite Shout. If there is a dead enemy adjacent to you, gain (50... 300) health and (1... 5) health regeneration for 10 seconds. (ATT: Tactics)

"Get Over Here!" Elite Shout. Throw spear at target foe. If this hits, foe is teleported to your location and knocked down. 50% chance of failure with spear mastery 4 or less. (ATT: Spear Mastery)

Tubgirl. Skill. If you are knocked down, all foes in the area are poisoned and diseased for 10 seconds. (ATT: Unlinked)

Headshot. Elite Bow Attack. All preparations are removed. This attack does +(10... 300) damage if it hits and causes bleeding, deep wound, and dazed for (3... 15) seconds. This attack is easily interruptible and takes (5... 3) seconds to activate. You lose all energy. (ATT: Marksmanship)

I Can Dance All Day. Preparation. All of your stances recharge twice as fast for (5... 24) seconds. (ATT: Expertise)

Goatse. Elite Stance. When you activate this stance, all nearby foes are blinded and dazed for (5... 20) seconds. All of your stances are disabled for this time. You suffer from a deep wound and all attacks against you have 20% increased penetration. (ATT: Strength)

Avatar of Leeroy Jenkins. Elite Form. For (10... 75) seconds, you are Leeroy Jenkins. You move 50% faster, attack 100% faster, and take double damage from all sources. (ATT: Mysticism)

Animate Satan. Elite Spell. Exploit nearest corpse to animate a level (1... 666) Satan. You and all your minions become his minions. (ATT: Death Magic)

"You're the man now dog!" Elite Shout. Target other ally gains (50... 300) health. (Att: Motivation)

[Frozy]

Annoying was Togo : A Weak Ritualist Minion appears near target foe, that minion will keep following that foe, if that minion dies, the foe dies as well.

[OI-812]

"We Need a Miracle!" - Paragon Elite Shout (Motivation) For every ally in your party below 25% Health, all nearby foes have their current health reduced by half of its current value. If one ally is below 25%, foes have their current health chopped in half. If two allies are below 25%, foes have their health reduced to half of a half of their current health and so on.(75% failure with Motivation < 4)

Avatar of Leet-Tard - Dervish Elite Form. (Mysticism) For 10....60 seconds, your maximum health is set to 1337, you run 50% faster, and you critical hit 50% more often, but you can't communicate to teammates except through idiotic leetspeak, and you cannot cast spells or use skills on allies.

[FelixCarter]

"I Am The Bone Of My Sword!" - Shout. For 10 seconds, the next time each ally within earshot makes an attack, that attack deals an additional 100...220...250% damage. (Attribute: Leadership)

"Shikai!" - Shout. For 30 seconds, you attack and move 10% faster and deal an additional 19...29...31 damage. (Attribute: Strength)

"Bankai!!!!!" - Elite Shout. For 5...17...20 seconds, you attack and move 100% faster and deal an additional 19...29...31 damage. If your target is below 50% Health you deal an additional 15...63...75 damage. Upon every successful hit by you a level 20 celestial attacker is called forth to attack foes. (Attribute: Strength)

Kresnik - Elite Enchantment Spell. Lose all but 5...41...50 Health. For 20 seconds, you gain +3...5...6 Health regeneration. Enemies adjacent to you suffer -2 Energy degeneration and -1...5...6 Health degeneration. When Kresnik ends, you lose all but 40...160...190 Health. (Attribute: Soul Reaping)

Kazāna - Elite Hex Spell. For 30 seconds all your skills are disabled and all ranged attacks against you miss. Target foe and adjacent foes take 20...68..80 chaos damage every 5 seconds. Animated undead and spirits struck by Kazāna are set on fire for 3...8...10 seconds. (Attribute: Smiting Prayers)

Diclonius - Elite Binding Ritual. Create a level 1...8...10 Spirit. Every 4 seconds, this Spirit deals 10...94...115 damage to one non-Spirit foe in the area. This Spirit dies after 90 seconds. (Attribute: Channeling Magic)

[MithranArkanere]

"Stop Triying to Hit Me And Hit Me!"
Shout. For 10..34 seconds, target foe becomes Blind and Dazed, but attacks 50% faster and deals 200% more damage.
(Attribute: Smitting Prayers)

(Hey, it MUST be a monk's skill, XD)

Insurance
Blessing. Next time you would die, Insurance ends, your health and energy are fully recovered and all your skills recharge.
(Unlinked, PvE only, obtained in shrines for 1k)

Underground Fortress
Enchantment. You cast Underground Fortress in yourself. While you maintain this enchantment, you can't attack or use skills, but you are also immune to all attacks, skills or any areas of effect, and you move 99..80% slower.
(Attribute: Earth)
- The animation will show the character popin' in the ground
- You will also be inmmune to ally skills, including shouts, spirits and AoEs.

[Diddy bow]

Originally Posted by MithranArkanere

Insurance
Blessing. Next time you would die, Insurance ends, your health and energy are fully recovered and all your skills recharge.
(Unlinked, PvE only, obtained in shrines for 1k)

Survivor?

"Soldier of aspenwood"
1 energy
2 cast
3 recharge
Atrribute:Communing (hey geos well with the rit :P)

For 5...2000 seconds you attach yourself to target ally and take no damage from attacks or spells, you steal 3...5hp from ally per second. But you never win.
*A known bug is if target ally dieswhile under the effects of "insurace" causes the user of this skill to remain dead untill and connot zone out the area if they log out they will find themselves in the same place. Unless rezzed which no one deos anyway
*When two people use this on one another Aspenwood falls into an eternal darkness and is never played again...ever.
*has unusal breakpoints
*One of the few skills never changed by anet since release.
*Unlike most souces of life steling it is accually countered by other skills

Super mega ultra special plasma blast
25 energy
5 cast
60 recharge
Atrribute:Axe mastery
Target foe takes 2...5 lightning damage and is dazed for 1...3 seconds. you are weakend for 15 seconds.
*Heavely nerfed on june 29 due to over use on wammos (i wonder why), anet saw it beind used to much and saw it overpowerd
*has a hidden effect to pemenatly make you lose one braincell upon each use, this can be counterd by using "extend conditions" to increse the daze duration and allow you to use it less
*still beats power shot

yes im very bored XD.

[ChyldeOfTheLotus]

Well of Mending: Sacrifice 100% of your health. Exploit the nearest corpse to create a Well of Mending for 5 seconds. Allies within the area are enchanted with Mending for 5 seconds.

[OI-812]

Originally Posted by ChyldeOfTheLotus

Well of Mending: Sacrifice 100% of your health. Exploit the nearest corpse to create a Well of Mending for 5 seconds. Allies within the area are enchanted with Mending for 5 seconds.

zOMG MENDING! OP'D!!

[Bazompora]

Server Paradox: Summon an exact neutral NPC replica of yourself, which has also used all the skills you have used up till 0 seconds before this skill started recharging.

[ichigo_panty]

Do you love Frenzy?
Shout: All foes in the map gain frenzy for 5-100seconds.

Grenth's Blessing!
Skill: All foes in your radar are killed instantly.

Machine Gun, Not Arrow and Bow
Preparation: For 10-18 seconds, your bow turned into a machine gun and you fire 10 arrows whenever you shoot.

I am noble
Spell: For 11-19 seconds, an AI will control your character. During the duration of this enchantment, your healing and interrupts are prefect.

Goodbye
Skill: Target foe dies instantly.

I Do Not Love Candy...
Chant: Remove all dp from target other ally.

Anet Nerf Stick
Melee: If this hit, the foe attributes points for all section drop by 100 till that foe die. This attack does no damages.

I Can Fly
Enchantment: For 30-52 seconds, you cannot be hit by any damages and you cannot hit any target. Ignore all terrains including mountains. When this enchantment end, you drop back to earth and die instantly.

[OI-812]

"Someone set up us the bomb!" Paragon Elite Shout (Leadership) For 3 seconds, this shout does nothing. When this shout expires, you die, and cause 2000...5000 damage to every foe in radar range.

[Thomas.knbk]

Originally Posted by MithranArkanere

"Stop Triying to Hit Me And Hit Me!"
Shout. For 10..34 seconds, target foe becomes Blind and Dazed, but attacks 50% faster and deals 200% more damage.
(Attribute: Smitting Prayers)

(Hey, it MUST be a monk's skill, XD)

So basically they restore this guy and you have a not-blind not-dazed foe that deals four times as much as damage as he normally would for 10-34 seconds? Ok, that sure sounds nice.

We need a shout called ''respect my authority!''. Does this game even have a south park reference?
Oh yeah, the 'you got served' if you dance abbadon kinda is I guess, but more is better in this case.

[Div]

Originally Posted by ChyldeOfTheLotus

Well of Mending: Sacrifice 100% of your health. Exploit the nearest corpse to create a Well of Mending for 5 seconds. Allies within the area are enchanted with Mending for 5 seconds.

It should just exploit himself :P

Originally Posted by Thomas.knbk

So basically they restore this guy and you have a not-blind not-dazed foe that deals four times as much as damage as he normally would for 10-34 seconds? Ok, that sure sounds nice.

I don't think these skills are meant to be balanced kinda like that auto-infuse skill ^^

[Hawkeye]

Induce Lag (15 energy) - Hex. Target foe moves 25% of his original speed and will be transported to a random location. The effects end 5 seconds before you cast this spell.

Permaban (15 energy) - Hex. Next time target foe dies, their accounts are removed from the game permanently.

"There is no spoon" - Stance. Until Guild Wars 3 is released, you are able to stop arrows in mid-air and block 100% of attacks. Once Guild Wars 3 is released, you become the ridicule of constant attacks of plot holes by critics.

Trogdor (15 energy) - The burninator.

Kumbaya (20 energy) - All allies and all foes become under the effect of Kumbaya for 30 seconds, during which time nobody can cast spells or skills or attack.. nor would they want to. Also singing Kumbaya helps bring peace and love to the planet, for 30 seconds.

Telefrag (10 energy) - Spell. Teleport to target foe. Target foe is gibbed.

Own (15 energy) - Target player gets owned.

Hot Potato (10 energy) - Hex spell. Target foe is set on fire. Effects do not end until target foe uses an attack skill or a spell which affects an ally, in which case Hot Potato is removed from target foe and placed on ally that that target foe targetted.
(I actually wish they'd implement something like this, but I can't think of a good name)

Feign death (15 energy) - Elite Enchantment. Sacrifice 100% health. For 10 seconds, you cannot be resurrected. At the end of Feign Death, your life is restored as it was when Feign Death was cast without death penalty.
(Another one I'd like to see implemented.. you'd probably wonder what use it'd have, but if you're about to die, this could prove quite handy).

Pointless ( 5 energy ) - Spell. Sacrifice 10% health. Gain 10% health and gain 5 energy.

[Quest_techie]

Killing Poke (5e) invokes massive amounts of damage upon target causing them to check their sanity, if sanity is intact no damage is in fact inflicted, if no sanity check in fact returns damage IS inflicted and target dies